Molly will be 9 months old on Thursday. That means I’ve now been a mum for the same amount of time as I was pregnant. This time 9 months ago I was getting very impatient to meet our little girl. This time though, there’s no magical moment, no new beginning, no moment that’s going to change our lives forever. This is my life now, and that’s taking some time to get my head around. Part of me wants to cling to life as it was before when I could do what I want whenever I wanted instead of revolving my life around a little person, but a bigger part of me loves being a mum. I just need to find my ‘groove’.
I think I’m going through a little bit of a ‘mum life crisis’. I seem to have lost who I am a little bit. I thought I was going to boss the stay at home mum thing but it’s a lot harder than I anticipated. I envisioned a spotless house, a happy baby and a job where I can work from home so I could stay at home with Molly. Is there an eyes bigger than my stomach analogy that would fit here? Because that’s exactly how I feel. I haven’t been able to achieve this at all. In reality, I only have a moderately tidy house, Molly probably watches way too much TV and I can hardly find the time to do any work, let alone the motivation. The housework and laundry is a nightmare to stay on top of (how is it possible for a tiny person to make so much mess and laundry??) and I hate that I probably spend at least an hour of each day trying to get my baby to sleep. I love her, of course I do, but sometimes I do wish I wasn’t wasting my hours away on her bedroom floor.
I was always due to go back to work after a year of maternity leave, but it hasn’t worked out that way. I’m no longer going back to the job I had before I went on maternity leave so the plan now is to find a different job when Molly is 1. I think going back to work part time will be really good for me. I can earn some more money and feel like I’m contributing again, whilst also getting out of the house. I don’t even know - I just know I haven’t got to grips with my new life yet. I’m hoping with some planning and better time management I will eventually ‘have it all’ if there is such a thing. I’ll figure it all out and find the right balance for us eventually. As they say - Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Anybody else find themselves feeling this way as a new mum?
