I haven’t written a blog recently because In all honesty I just haven’t felt like writing. It’s not that I have nothing to write about. Plenty has happened, believe me. But I just haven’t had the motivation or the enthusiasm to put it into words. I haven’t had the motivation or enthusiasm to do much actually.
I feel like over the past couple of weeks I’ve been surviving instead of living. I’ve been doing what needs to be done and not much beyond that. It’s been tough. Everything has gotten on top of me. The housework, the laundry, this blog, even Molly. I thought I was doing okay at this parenting thing but the last 2 weeks have had me feeling like a complete failure.
It seems as though the dreaded 4 month sleep regression finally hit. We made it to 4 months and Molly was still sleeping really well so I thought we’d avoided it but boy was I wrong. It hit when she was 4 and a half months and we haven’t slept properly since. That’s probably the reason I’ve been feeling so rubbish. Sleep deprivation isn’t good for anyone. We’ve also had some feeding problems which have been causing major stress for me. I won’t go into details but luckily that seems to have started to resolve itself now so that’s one less thing to stress about. For now at least.
She looks like butter wouldn't melt, doesn't she?
I realise my ability to parent is not based on how often I manage to wash my hair or how clean the floors are, but it doesn’t stop me feeling like I’m failing. I feel like I should be able to do it all. Like I should have a baby who sleeps through the night and has 3 good naps a day. I should have a spotless house and the tea on the table when my husband gets home. (I just want to clarify that he’s never expected this, nor would he ever. He actually does most of the cooking.) I'm lucky. My baby is incredibly happy and meeting her milestones. She’s rolling around non-stop and is forever laughing at her mummy and daddy. I should be grateful and yet I find myself too immersed in the negatives that it's hard to enjoy the positives sometimes.
I came across a quote on the internet recently. It said ‘just because you are struggling doesn’t mean you are failing’ and I think this is something that we should all remember. Being a parent is hard. Not everyone is experiencing it the same and so it’s unfair to compare yourself to others. Those people who look like they have it all together are bound to have their own worries and struggles. You’re not a failure if you’re finding it hard. I for one definitely need to keep reminding myself of that.
Ahh yes, she does look like butter wouldn’t melt. The first year is such a roller coaster and there is so much conflicting advice from everywhere. I would say trust your gut instincts and what works for you and your baby because being a parent is the hardest job in the world.